Excerpt
Chapter One
Manchester, England
Friday, February 26
Jessica Addison looked out the first-class compartment window onto the monotonous streak of black tunnel wall flashing by, pleased she hadn’t been stuck with unwanted company for the entire two and a half hour of her train journey. In less than fifteen minutes she would reach her destination. There was no turning back. It was foolish to feel this way, but she was more than a little nervous about attending her high school reunion. She tugged her coat tighter about her body and crossed her legs at the knees.
What would her old-classmates think of her now? How long had it been since she last saw any of them—fourteen, maybe fifteen years? She released a silent breath. They weren’t her friends. None of them had ever been her friends. She didn’t have friends.
Her eyes focused on her reflection in the tinted window. Except for the barest touch of lip gloss she wore no further make-up. The insecure, spotty schoolgirl with large owl-like glasses was gone and in her place was a woman who’d grown in confidence these last few years. A woman who believed in herself far more than she’d ever done before.
She tightened her fists until her nails dug into the soft flesh of her palms. Despite her newfound strength one thing hadn’t changed, her fear of dark enclosed spaces. She closed her eyes and wished the tunnel would hurry and come to an end.
For most of her life she’d been afraid. Afraid to live, afraid to love…afraid to give her heart and she knew who was to blame for that. Her mother. Her ex-husband, Tom, on the other hand, had thought the explanation a little less complicated. She was simply incapable of loving herself or anybody else, he’d said. Isn’t that why their marriage had failed?
Tom loved her. That’d been evident in his every look and touch, yet the more Tom had wanted her the more she couldn’t help but despise him for it.
Jess grimaced. Marriage to Tom had been neither her desire nor her decision. He’d simply entered her life when she’d been vulnerable and her own happiness had meant nothing. But she’d never imagined she would be the one to hurt him.
She’d tried to make their relationship work and for six years Tom had been enough. But she couldn’t prevent the ‘what ifs’ and the ‘what could’ve been’ from rising up between them. Or stop the pervasive mist of regret from chilling her heart.
It shocked her that she could still remember her first lover. Still hear his voice whispering to her in the darkness, still feel his weight crushing her as she became a woman in his arms. If only she could go back in time and relive that moment. To have the confidence to believe his words and the courage to say yes to all he’d offered. She shouldn’t have runaway.
The train slowed, its wheels screeching and grinding softly along the track. Jess clasped her hands firmly together on her lap. It was absurd. She hadn’t even remembered his name, but one night, so many nights ago, he’d taken a part of her that Tom could never make whole.
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